I recently had a conversation with someone close to me about religion. They were asserting that the Tibetan belief in a reincarnated soul is not a form of religious indoctrination. I disagreed but the point of this article is not the substance of that discussion but rather my reaction to the conversation.
[Artificial image above generated by MidJourney using this prompt: The word “acceptance”, spelled correctly, and rendered as graffiti on a wall.]
I disagreed so strongly that I got a little angry and started making my case more strenuously. I have strong opinions about religion because it was thrust upon me in my childhood. And because it’s a bit of a sensitive subject, the interaction gradually changed from a simple conversation into a minor conflict. Why does this happen?
In retrospect, I see a recurring pattern in my life:
- I have a strong opinion about a particular topic.
- I’m a little too sure of my own conclusions.
- Because I’m so invested in my position, I take offense with disagreement.
This is a very ego-driven way to be. It’s all about being right. But the key to having an open and healthy exchange is hearing and accepting the other person’s perspective. I’m not really open to listening if I’m spending most of my energy trying to score rhetorical points.
There will always be people with whom I disagree profoundly and will never get along, because that person’s world view is so different from my own. That’s ok, I don’t have to be friends with everyone.
But there is another class of people whom I respect and love and agree with 90% of the time. When I encounter a difference of opinion with someone like that, even if it’s one of my “hot button” issues, instead of arguing and getting angry or upset, I’m going to say this to myself:
- I love and respect this person.
- Having this person in my life and having a good relationship with them is worth so much more than convincing them that I’m right.
- Consequently, I accept our differences.
Besides, I just might be wrong. :)